Courtesy Needs a Call
by Felicity Dream
Summary: Fem!Percy is about to finish high school and is now interning at…H.E.L.L. Inc? With a crazy boss that drives her insane, an internship that she practically signed her soul to, the gods randomly popping up and refusing to leave her alone, and various friends setting her up on blind dates, she misses just worrying about Kronos. Damn Travis and Connor for their stupid prank!
1. In the Land of Wonder

Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be a man, if I owned it, wouldn't I? So nope.  
>Story: Fem!Percy is about to finish high school and is now interning at…H.E.L.L. Inc? With a crazy boss, the gods randomly popping up and refusing to leave her alone, and various friends setting her up on blind dates, she misses just worrying about Kronos.<br>Set after all the books.  
>Spoilers: All books.<br>Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…  
>Pairings: Not set. No canon pairings.<p>

**Courtesy Needs a Call  
><strong>_Chapter One: In the Land of Wonder_

"So…this is the place I'll be working in for a year…" Percy eyed the large building with awe. "Sweet."

She entered it with high hopes and expectations, excitement just bubbling in her.

Percy had no idea how her hopes were going to be dashed, expectations crushed, and excitement deflated within the coming hour.

The place was large and she had to keep a watchful eye on where she was going, lest she get lost and unable to tell where she was going. She could hardly keep up with everyone running around and looking busy, and she was starting to get dizzy just watching them all. None of them paid any attention to her and she was apprehensive going to one of them and bothering them just for directions. The intensity of everything going around her was rather intimidating.

Monsters, evil overlord Titans, and enemy demigods for some reason didn't seem to have prepared her for this…or seemed as intimidating in that moment.

She somehow made her way to the top floor, even more amazed that that was where she was going to be working at specifically.

"So you're my new intern, hm?"

She immediately looked to the mahogany double-door entrance of the office, noting a very beautiful woman observing her with a small smirk. Long blonde hair flowed down her back, held in a small ponytail, and light brown eyes that glinted golden as the light hit them. She was tall and overall could pass as a supermodel easily.

"Hello, my darling," this new woman smiled flirtingly, suddenly right in front of her and bending into a dip as she kissed Percy's hand in greeting.

When had she gotten a hold of Percy's hand?

"I'm Danny Egerton, your boss, and I'm looking forward to your stay with us," Danny smiled again and this time Percy felt a little wary, seeing the sharkish hint to it that she thought she'd imagined the first time around.

At least, though she was embarrassed to note so, Danny was flat-chested compared to her supermodel good looks that made everyone else feel inferior –like Percy, for instance.

"And I'm 24 and single, dear, if you ever want to go out," she winked at Percy.

Oh…_oh_, her boss was a lesbian…and had hit on her…Her cheeks heated up and she gave a hesitant smile, even as she was dazed by the revelation and sudden implied confession.

"Ah, t-thank you, Miss Egerton. I'll keep it in mind."

What a weird start to her first day on the job.

Soon enough, she quickly started to realize her boss was…kind of insane. Percy had started out excited about her first day, but now she was really starting to wonder about her choice in choosing this place. Like the company name, for example. That, right away, should have given her a clue.

H.E.L.L. Inc.

_How  
><em>_Everyone  
><em>_Learns to  
><em>_Love_

Psychotic.

At first, she thought that someone had played a joke on her or the company had messed up the name on the invitation letter and the calling card that accompanied it. After all, no one would actually name their company H.E.L.L. Inc., right? On her first day, she saw the acronym again and realized it actually was the company name. Then she learned what the letters _stood_ for. It was then that she was starting to think second thoughts about working there.

Working with Danny Egerton decidedly supported those thoughts.

"24 is not old, you mongrel!" Danny shouted into her phone as Percy quietly typed up some letters at her small desk inside the office. Strange how it was inside and not outside with the other secretary. "I'm in the springtime of youth! It's a most wonderous era, presenting my reign!"

Percy firmly kept her eyes on her screen and ignored her boss. Which would've been much easier had Danny not turned her attention to her at that moment.

"Percy! Say I'm a pretty, young flower fully bloomed!" her boss directed the receiver in her direction.

She hesitated before inwardly sighing.

"You're a very pretty, young flower fully bloomed," she forced her tone not to be too deadpanned.

"See that? My new intern agrees and even added a 'very'," Danny crooned into her phone. "And I know 'wonderous' is not a real word! Bastard!"

She hung up and huffed, and then calming down almost immediately before turning to Percy with a bright smile, as if she hadn't just been extremely agitated.

"That was my friend Harry. He's currently living in Forks, Washington at this moment. Picked up some strays, he tells me," Danny informed her happily.

Percy just nodded, deigning not to answer vocally, lest she sound sarcastic.

"Say, Percy…how's being a Daughter of Poseidon?" the blonde asked nonchalantly.

The demigod choked on air and nearly doubled over in surprise.

"Y-You –"

"Know?" Danny guessed her question. "_Mia bella_, but of course. My father is Thanatos."

Percy blinked at that knowledge before a small smile spread across her face. She didn't realize how much she wanted to be near someone who knew about that world until her boss had revealed so.

She cheerfully went to go make copies.

By the time she came back, she was humming and nearly skipping back to Danny, who seemed to be enjoying the display.

"Do you know how Thanatos met your mother?" she asked Danny curiously, starting to work on organizing files.

"You mean Hypnos," Danny corrected.

Percy paused in her work, turning confused. "But I thought I heard you say Thanatos…"

"Hm? Perhaps I did. They're twins, you know. They look so alike, they could be mistaken sometimes. My bad," Danny easily shrugged it off, another smile coming into play.

And then Danny was telling her of her parents meeting, and she was listening in rapture before she realized she had to deliver some of the files to other departments first. Holding off on the rest of the story, Percy promised to be back soon as she departed with her current work.

"So what were you saying about your mother and Hypnos?" Percy asked as she came back, starting in on the highlighting of notes.

"You mean Persephone."

Then it clicked and Percy felt herself twitch. She looked at her boss, who just stared back innocently with a harmless smile.

"Are you really a demigod, Miss Egerton?"

"Of course I am. My mother is Persephone and my father is Hades…though my mother might've been Hera instead…"

Percy looked at Danny with a bland expression, though the blonde just continued to smile back.

Though, if she had thought on it a moment more earlier and was less distracted by the news of a possible fellow demigod, she would've noticed the godly father and thought it a strange choice of parent. And then she would've remembered her boss was insane. And then probably have come to a similar, if not this conclusion, a bit earlier.

She didn't even want to think about how Danny would know about demigods and all, if being part of that world was not the case. Though it was highly suspicious how that topic suddenly came up, now that she thought about it…

"Come, Percy! Time to visit the café!"

Suddenly, Percy found herself being unwillingly dragged to the company's café, wondering how she got herself into this.

"Wait…we have a café?"

Percy was ignored.

In the too-extravagant-to-be-a-company-café, Percy caught her breath as Danny excitedly searched the dessert selection, ignoring the assortment of regular food.

"Miss Egerton, shouldn't you eat something before eating sweets?" Percy asked warily.

"Nonsense! That's absolutely blasphemy," her boss said without blinking or turning to look at her.

She felt the urge to twitch again.

"Ohhh, strawberry shortcake~" Danny hummed happily, stopping in front of it.

This time, Percy did twitch…but in an uncomfortably like-minded manner. Unfortunately, Danny caught it and hid her mischievous grin.

"I'm going to buy it and we're going to share~" Danny sing-songed, practically skipping to the cashier.

Then her boss started ordering a large amount of sweets, and not just the strawberry shortcake Percy thought she was getting.

"M-Miss Egerton! That's way too much! You can't possibly eat them all and the cost is going to add up!"

Danny looked at her and she shivered. The look was…oddly terrifying. Even though the blonde was smiling and all, there was a dark aura around Danny and the woman's eyes were closed, making it hard for Percy to see the actual emotions in them.

"Sweets are food for the Gods," the older female said calmly, and yet still sounded scary.

Percy just nodded.

She didn't even bother to correct her on the truth, and actually would agree with that statement and believe it, even though she knew better, because her boss was very scary right then.

"I'm sorry. You're right," she said in a small voice, inwardly whimpering.

"Wai~! Percy agrees with me!" Danny said happily, glomping Percy tightly and practically smothering her as she enthusiastically rubbed her cheek against Percy's. "I'm so happy!"

Percy went back to grumbling, twitching again. That was probably going to become a constant habit for her from now on.

"Picture!" and then Percy was blinded as Danny whipped out a camera from out of nowhere and took their picture together, the two of them still plastered to each other and heads still close together.

She wished she had accepted Paul's offer to intern at his family's business.

Regretting her choice in embarking into this mad world all on her own, she started fervently praying to the gods, most specifically her father, that she would survive this first day in Hell. And she meant that literally.

Dragged back to the office, she had to endure an entire hour of being fed and cowed into feeding Danny back. Fortunately, she was able to get back to work and be busy for most of her time left. As far as she was concerned, she was going to dutifully finish the day off and then tell Danny that she couldn't come back but she was…most fortunate in being able to experience their unique business working and was lucky to have gained the position in the first place.

But she was still going to leave.

All set and determined, she approached Danny near the end of the day and got ready to announce her news, speaking in a steady voice. For once her boss was serious looking and totally focused on her, intensely so, and it unnerved her. Even more so when the blonde's face was closed off and revealed nothing to her.

And then a smile slowly spread across her lips, inwardly alarming Percy, though the demigod didn't understand why it would.

"I understand completely. And don't worry, I get what you're _not_ saying, love. We're all very out of the ordinary here and to be more precise –hard to handle and take in. Of course you would have your hands full trying to wrap your mind around all of us and this place, as well as trying to fit in with the rest of the crazies. I understand, Percy."

Her smile turned a little more wicked and the shadows behind her seemed to have encased the blonde slightly in an ominous cover, and creepily seem to leer at Percy in a way.

"Only…didn't you read the fine print?" Danny nearly purred. "The one that says you work here until your time is up."

Percy paled and felt herself grow cold, leaning over to read the contract that seemed to have magically appeared in Danny's hand, a slender finger pointed to the bottom where _very_ small writing could be barely seen.

_I hereby agree to uphold my contract and all of its addendums, notations, and contract provisions for a year worth of labor, with time subject to change in evaluation of my performance in that timeframe._

Percy stared at it in horror, jaw dropping.

"Oh gods, why does it sound like I sold my soul to the devil or something? Did I?"

"Well…when you put it that way," Danny murmured, dark mischievousness dancing in her eyes. "Then again, it does make some kind of weird sense and fits in quite well with everything, doesn't it."

Percy stared blankly at her.

"Welcome to a long stay in Hell, Percy," Danny chirped cheerily. "I'm so pleased and can't wait to work all this time with you."

The younger girl screamed and ran out, ignoring how she had one hour left of work to do.

"It won't be forever in Hell, dearest! At least…not yet~!" the boss of the building's voice sing-songed after the girl, somehow becoming traumatizing.

After she'd run out, Percy had headed straight to a place to hide. A bathroom wasn't an ideal place, but it was one of those places to avoid and she needed that…Plus, everyone searches the bathroom whenever they're searching for something or someone (happens all the time in movies and books and shows, she could tell you…), so it's become _too_ obvious a place and no one will look in there because of that. Reverse psychology –beat that.

"Damn straight," Percy muttered under her breath, darting into a bathroom.

She paled as she realized it was the Men's and almost ran back out, but 1) didn't want to be caught sneaking out of the guys' bathroom and 2) she didn't want to take her chances that her boss or any other insane employee could be out there and just waiting to snatch her up and traumatize her further. The Men's bathroom was as good a place as any and she was already in it. She was just glad that no one was in it and that she didn't have to explain herself to anyone.

Finding a stall, she hid in there and locked it, trying to minimize and limit her touching as much as she could. After awhile, she grew bored and was just about to sneak out and leave when she heard the door swing open and someone peeing. She cringed and closed her eyes, fidgeting and wanting to run out. Again.

Damn it.

The sounds stopped and she wondered if she could spare at least one explanation for one person in exchange for the chance to run out of this place straight after and be gone from the building as fast as she can, hopefully without having to run into anyone else…most specifically her boss.

She got out of the stall, prepared to do just that…when she came face to face with the one person she'd been hoping to avoid the most –her boss, who was in the middle of washing her hands.

Wait, why was Danny in the Men's bathroom?

Blinking in confusion, she leaned closer and squinted her eyes, trying to get an answer just by looking.

"Ma'am, why are you in here?" she asked, conveniently leaving out the fact that she was also not really meant to be there.

Then she caught sight of what gave her the answer, freezing up immediately and her brain processes slowly revolving around the new fact, paling as her mind blanked out and then started completely focusing on that new information she'd learned.

Danny tilted her head, a small, amused smirk playing lightly on her lips as she examined her prey.

Then again, that was all wrong.

Because Danny had an Adam's Apple.

She had an Adam's Apple?

She had an Adam's Apple.

_An Adam's Apple._

_She_ was a _he_.

Percy squeaked and tried to scramble back into the stall, hoping to slam it close and have a barrier in between her from him. Only Danny was quicker and had pulled her away from the stall before she could move an inch back to try her plan, suddenly in front of her and encircling her within his arms, ever present small smirk on his face. He'd bent her back and leaned over her, his face hovering close to her dazed one.

Belatedly, she realized Danny wasn't flat-chested…he was just a male.

Inwardly shaking her head of frivolous thoughts that kept popping up, she tuned in when he started to talk.

"Silly rabbit, is it hunting season already?" light brown eyes glinted and she nearly fainted in the combination of shock and terror.

Dear Zeus, how did she always get into these kinds of situations?

* * *

><p>Travis and Connor sneezed, both of them rubbing their noses in irritation afterwards. Then they, out of nowhere, started to think about Percy and wondering how she was doing at her new internship at that place they'd sign her up for. They snickered, remembering the name.<p>

_H.E.L.L. Inc._

Hehe. They didn't know what the heck the company was or anything, but the name was just hilarious and they'd filled out an internship form for Percy, remembering her talking about thinking of doing something like that near the end of high school. Of course, they said nothing to her about it and she never found out or knew anything of their involvement. Instinctively knowing it would be a good idea, not only for their sake and just overall health, they were trying to keep it that way.

Ares, Apollo, Hermes, Artemis, and an annoyed-looking Athena popped up nearby. Hermes saw his two kids and grinned, walking over hurriedly.

"Travis, Connor! Hey, have you two seen Percy?"

"Come on, Hermes! Hurry it! Let's kidnap her already, so we can get to the party. We'll be late!" Apollo hollered out from where he was with the rest of the group.

"Nah, haven't seen her. Might be at her job, but dunno," Travis shrugged.

Hermes frowned in disappointment and relayed the news back to the others.

"Oh well. We'll be fashionably late anyways; let's just go pick her up from her job then," Ares grinned nastily, knowing it'd piss her off.

"Oh…okay then. See you two later!" and their dad teleported with the others.

Travis and Connor sighed.

"Man, so not fair. Percy always gets invited to all the cool shit happening anywhere," Connor huffed.

"Hence why we stick close to her so her luck and popularity rubs off…and because we get to be tagalongs."

The two high-fived and grinned at each other.

Started 10/20/11 -10/27/11

A/n: Yes, this is rather weird but it's supposed to be. H.E.L.L. Inc. is my creation and I've been using it rather frequently nowadays. Anyways, I'm REALLY hoping for a Christmas update for _The Light Before We Land_, so cross your fingers people. I'm really trying to get on it for all of you. Remember, please review! They're really appreciated and a great motivator!


	2. The Dangers of Dating I

Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be a man, if I owned it, wouldn't I? So nope.  
>Story: Fem!Percy is about to finish high school and is now interning at…H.E.L.L. Inc? With a crazy boss, the gods randomly popping up and refusing to leave her alone, and various friends setting her up on blind dates, she misses just worrying about Kronos.<br>Set after all the books.  
>Spoilers: All books.<br>Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…  
>Pairings: Not set. No canon pairings.<p>

**Courtesy Needs a Call  
><strong>_Chapter Two: The Dangers of Dating I_

When the gods arrived to where they had felt Percy's energy at, they blinked and they shuddered when they saw the plaque and the name of the business that owned and worked in that building.

How the Tartarus did Percy get involved with _H.E.L.L. Inc._?

"So, uh, is it too late to turn back now?" Apollo asked nervously.

Just at that second, Percy ran screaming out of the building and spotted them immediately, tossing herself at Ares (surprisingly enough).

"Save me!" she screamed.

"Please, let's get out of here," Artemis said, face pale.

Without further ado, the group disappeared from the spot. They next appeared on Olympus, where a full-scaled Olympian party was going on.

"Geez, how'd you get into H.E.L.L. Inc., girl?" Hermes winced, taking her from Ares' frozen arms (the war god was still in shock about her going to him) and leading her to a table, where he sat her down on a chair.

"Internship," Percy slowly calmed down. "I was planning on doing an internship as soon as high school ended, and somehow I got an invitation for one from them. I never sent anything, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was due to some prank from your sons," she scowled at Hermes.

Hermes smiled nervously and shrugged helplessly, trying to absolve himself from any wrongdoings from his children.

Percy immediately grabbed a random bottle and started drinking.

"Percy, no! That's Dionysus' most potent…wine…" Apollo winced, more so as Percy ignored him.

"Yeah, girl!" Ares chortled. "Chug that shit down!"

Artemis and Athena both whapped him on the back of his head, and he cursed and glared at the goddesses, rubbing his head.

"That bad, huh?" Hermes flinched.

Percy twitched.

She grabbed another bottle and it wasn't long before she was drunk, and then spilling out everything to them without reservation and in great detail. The group of immortals winced and sympathetically expressed their condolences.

"Men," Artemis huffed, though she didn't express Danny's name aloud. There were some things you didn't do, and mentioning employees associated with that business (never mind the business itself) was one of them.

Apollo rolled his eyes at his sister, but managed to notice Percy grabbing another bottle and took it away from her.

"I'm taking her to bed –to sleep, to sleep!" Hermes held up his hands at the twin glares of the two women, and also of the narrowed eyes of Apollo and Ares. "There's no way she's up to party or going to be coherent. I could take her to her home…but she's drunk."

The group paused to think about that. If Sally got wind of it…well, they could be worried for Percy against her mother, but they were more afraid of Sally's wrath against them and that she could always ban them from seeing Percy (or the other way around). Sally could be rather protective of her daughter…

"You guys stay here and party. I wasn't up to it tonight anyways," Hermes waved them off.

Grumbling reluctant agreements, they all turned to Percy, only to realize she'd passed out on them. Hermes blinked but inwardly shrugged, grabbing her and carrying her bridal style to his home.

She awoke to a huge headache and in an unfamiliar room. Groaning, she sat up slowly and was startled when Hermes suddenly appeared by her side and handed her a glass of water and vial.

"For the hangover. You should get your dad or Triton to teach you how to manipulate the properties in alcohol. They've mastered the art of chugging it down," Hermes grinned at her.

"Hngh," Percy incoherently mumbled, uncapping the vial and then immediately swallowing it down. She sighed in relief. "Much better."

Eyes closed, she felt Hermes' fingers at her temples and beginning to massage. She hummed in enjoyment, muttering a thanks.

"That bad, huh?"

"Hell. Just like they're named. And don't even get me started on my boss," Percy shivered.

"Ah. I see. Hungry?"

"Yes. Very much so."

"How about a French breakfast?" Hermes' eyes were twinkling, she saw as she opened her eyes.

"Sounds fantastic," she sighed in pleasure, both from the thought of a gourmet breakfast and still at the pleasing massage.

"Brilliant. Ready?"

She blinked and furrowed her eyebrows at him, but he merely tugged her closer and then transported them out of his home. When Percy felt it was safe to open her eyes, she'd been tucked tightly against Hermes' lean body and had to cough nervously, gently but firmly pushing him away and straightening up (trying in vain to make it seem natural and not at all anxious about his close proximity). And then she glanced around her and gaped unashamedly.

They were in bloody, freakin' Paris.

With the Eiffel Tower smack dab in front of them.

"French breakfast, right?" she heard the humor in Hermes' voice.

"I didn't think you meant going to France for real," she said weakly, still staring at the huge monument.

"Regardless, we're here. So let's eat! Well, you eat –I'll smell," he said cheekily.

She rolled her eyes, but allowed him to lead her to a café, where she ordered a _croissant au beurre _(which was just a butter croissant, but she felt rather fancy ordering it like that), with a side of sausages and a strawberry yogurt to go with it. She had a hot chocolate to go with it, noting it was a rather cold morning.

"Smells divine," Hermes hmmed happily, eyes fluttering in bliss.

Percy snorted and then grinned, taking her croissant and waving it enticingly under the god's nose.

"Now I'm just tempted to actually eat it," Hermes pouted, which Percy giggled at.

She coughed and pretended she hadn't done that, huffing slightly and pouting herself.

"Cute~" Hermes teased and Percy squeaked at the unexpected compliment, flushing bright red.

Ignoring him, she focused on her food and remained that way until she'd finished breakfast and it was time for the two of them to get back into their usual routines. He transported her to the front of her home, though he stopped her from going inside so quickly.

"Keep in touch, Percy. Until next party! And don't get drunk next time," he winked at her, planting a quick kiss on her cheek before teleporting away.

Percy was bright red again, glancing around anxiously and stubbornly ignoring the tingling she felt on her cheek where the god had kissed her. She scurried inside and cursed all gods in her head, most specifically Hermes.

"So what's this about getting drunk, Kelp Head?" she heard a familiar Daughter of Ares speak out roguishly.

She inwardly banged her head against a mental wall.

She looked to her side and saw Clarisse and Annabeth huddling near the window, looking like they'd just been spying out of it until she came in. Of course. Like they hadn't been watching her and Hermes. Blasted, abnormal friends.

"It's nothing," Percy's eye twitched.

"Nuh uh. You're speaking," and then the two girls dragged her to her room, passed a bewildered Paul (who greeted her with a 'welcome back') and her mother, who'd been traipsing down the stairs with some unnamed box. Her mother traitorously encouraged her not-friends.

When they finally reached her room, they'd practically threw her onto her bed and then began their interrogation. Deciding to save herself the headache, she explained her job and the gods and goddesses' timely rescue (though she had a feeling they'd been there for more of a kidnapping). And then she talked about the party and her deciding to drown her misery in potent wine and make herself unavailable to the world after the trauma she'd gone through.

"That's pretty much it," she deadpanned.

"What about this morning?" Annabeth brought up, insisting on a retelling and Percy cursed the fact that the girl hadn't forgotten that particular detail.

"Turns out Hermes brought me to his house and let me sleep over, and then this morning he brought me to Paris for breakfast," Percy uncomfortably explained, trying to seem nonchalant.

"Ooh, Lord Hermes let you stay over, did he? And a cute little rendezvous in viva la France!" Clarisse cackled and leered at her, making Percy cringe and glare at the older girl.

"Never mind that," Annabeth sniffed. "Potential interests or not, or a big tease –what we got to focus on are the ones who are going to actually be sincere in their interest. Therefore –"

Clarisse cut her off. "We're taking you out and putting you on blind dates."

Percy freely gaped at them, thinking the world had gone crazy while she had had her meltdown.

"Say what?"

"Come on, Seaweed Brain. Don't tell me your brains actually turned into actual seaweed while you went berserk from your H.E.L.L. Inc.-induced trauma," Annabeth rolled her eyes.

Percy gave her a death glare.

"Doesn't matter! Ally ho!" Clarisse exclaimed, grabbing onto Percy's arm and marching her out. Annabeth took her other arm, and it was too soon until she was being hauled out of her home and being dragged down the street.

Why was she surrounded by insane people in her life?

But seriously, there could be no other explanation for why she was sitting in a five-scale restaurant, with some guy she'd never met sitting across from her.

"H-hello," he stuttered, obviously nervous.

"Hello," she smiled, trying to put him at ease.

The man just 'eeped!' and she sweatdropped. Well, this was certainly going good so far…

Ten minutes later, she was tapping her leg irritably under the table. All of a sudden, Clarisse came over and grabbed the guy in a chokehold, dragging him off. Annabeth appeared with someone else, smiling widely.

"Next!"

Percy inwardly groaned.

It was like this for the next three 'dates'. And then horrors of horrors, the next one was one she hadn't expected or wanted to see.

"Mr. Egerton!" Percy squeaked, recoiling back away from the smiling blond man.

The smile of death, she could swear…

"Percy, darling! This is fantastic! We're finally on a date!"

She looked over to the duo hanging back some tables, trying to desperately communicate her need for help. If wide, panicked eyes and a horrified gape wasn't enough, she started gesturing wildly to them, wondering what was taking them so long.

"So, shall we have the fillet mignon lunch special or ohhhh! That looks scrumptious! How about a nice juicy lobster?"

Percy just stared, wondering how in the world could her boss expect her to act normal?

And then he was leaning over and grinning lasciviously, winking at her with a mischievous air.

"You know what they say though, Percy, my love~ Lobsters are part of the traditional marriage meal. Why don't we skip some steps, finish this little date and book it to a church?" Danny's grin only widened.

Percy kept staring in horror.

"Oh, don't be shy!" Danny laughed in delight. He got up from his seat and perched neatly on her chair's arm. "Shotgun weddings happen all the time!"

Just when Percy was about to grab her glass of water and spill it on him, and try for a quick getaway, luck was on her side when his phone rang. He sighed, scowling in annoyance.

"Ah, I apologize, my cute little intern~ I must take this call. I'll probably have to leave too. Perhaps another date, another time," he pouted. "I will hold you to it!"

Percy swallowed nervously.

Her boss reluctantly walked off and she let out the breath she hadn't known she was holding. Clarisse and Annabeth wandered over, looking at her curiously.

"You two! Why didn't you save me?! That was my boss! My evil, insane, demonic boss!" Percy screamed at them, slightly hysterical.

"Ohhhh, _that_ Danny Egerton," Annabeth winced.

"Oh, whoops. Our bad," Clarisse grinned lopsidedly.

Percy silently cursed the two and swore she would dance on their graves.

"Next!"

And then the two suddenly disappeared, making a quick exit, and there was suddenly a person in front of her.

She blinked. "Ares?"

"_Lord_ Ares," he rolled his eyes. The brown tinged with red eyes was new, she noted. "Come on now. Why does Hermes get to be called 'Lord' and you disrespect me, brat?"

"'Cause I actually like Hermes," she scoffed. "And I don't call him that all the time. And I call Hades 'Lord', and Zeus too."

Ares glared. "But not all the time."

"Blah, blah, blah."

Ares growled, but she just smirked at him.

"Whatever. Come on, we're on a date. Play nice," Ares grinned sharply and Percy just sighed, deciding to make the most of it until she can finally run away.

To that end, knowing Ares, they started talking about fights. Somehow their personal fights turned into UFC debates, which somehow went into talks about history and Ares actually _lecturing_ her about his past battles, that soon became enthusiastic retellings of his glorious fights. And that somehow led to Sparta, which somehow led to the movie _300_.

Who knew the war god was such a fan?

Soon enough they were talking about the movie, then talking about their favorite parts, and then they were actually beginning quoting.

"Hey, hey! Let's go watch it right now!" Ares crowed, excited to get out of there and play the film.

Percy stared at him, before shrugging to herself. Why not? Besides, she actually hadn't minded his company and had actually enjoyed herself and the date. Since she had managed to like the time she'd spent with him, she decided to go for it. Strange really, considering who it was. Ares, of all people…

"Let's go!" Ares pumped a fist into the air and reached over, quickly grabbing her hand.

He then eagerly started to rush out, heading straight to a movie theater that he could take over and play the movie (never mind that it was no longer in theaters and had long since been on video). He was a god; he'll just magic it to the screen or something.

A few minutes later, Clarisse and Annabeth appeared by the table, completely confused.

"Huh? Where did they go?" Annabeth looked around rapidly.

"Yeah, we still had one more guy," Clarisse huffed.

A shadow fell over them and they anxiously turned around, only to be faced with the manager. He raised an eyebrow at them, held up the check, and then pointed at the table with it.

"Crap," Annabeth muttered.

"Fuuuuck. Shit man, we're fuckin' left to foot the bill," Clarisse cursed.

Approximately $200 poorer, they were walking away dejectedly from the restaurant, with a certain Son of Hades trailing behind them even more dejected.

"Sorry, Nico," Annabeth tried to console him.

"Yeah, sorry you didn't get to have your long-awaited date with Percy," Clarisse said, which made Nico grow an aura of gloom around him. "Whoops, I was insensitive, wasn't I?"

"Just shut up, Clarisse. Just shut up," Nico grumbled.

Started 12/ 29/12 – Completed 12/30/12

A/n: Wow, I really didn't expect this to be received so well. It's such an oddball idea, and yet people want to read it. You guys are just so awesome. And my OC…that he's so popular amazes (especially because he's an _OC_). Seriously, you guys rock.

This is semi-crack, I'm pretty sure, so…it's not really meant to be taken completely seriously XD


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